remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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