...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
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My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
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It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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