No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
