That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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