New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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