Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
