tell your sister to shave her snatch
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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