Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
