the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
