sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
