you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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