Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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