I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
