he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
