Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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