Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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