You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
