I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
