Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
