Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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