There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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