he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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