This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
