So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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