Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
