dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
