Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
