Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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