Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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