After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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