Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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