Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
