I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
