I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
