we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
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You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
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My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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