I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Let's get the cat blown out
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
