I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Randomize
