How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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