he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
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He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
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God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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