I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
