HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
