It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
