yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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