what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
