What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
