he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
