the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
