Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
