There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
The air taste purple.
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