u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
