I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
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It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
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Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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