I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
i believe in u and ur pee
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
