I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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