i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
