Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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