it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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