i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
