You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
