Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
