I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
