i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
