the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
