you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
