What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
